She/her. Shitposting, some kink posting, fewer spiders than there used to be. Aspiring pro-am bottom. I let people hurt me for fun. NSFW or for anything really. 🔞
Acceptance is a big part of this. Of loss, of results, of never quite being able to be what you should have/imagined. Not that you shouldn't try of course, but gosh I watch a lot of people eat themselves alive.
"Hows your mental health?"
Well youtube has hit the "suggesting stuff like 'breakcore mix to dissociate to'" stage again so you know.
Not the best I guess?
I saw a discarded CD on the rail line. Yes this once again set off my "I should acquire an old stereo system" disorder. (Thankfully treated so far by taking an ounce of remaining common sense each day)
Probably need one of those optical triggers tbh but eh next time the bangy zappy rolls through I will try my luck. Kind of the wrong time of year though.
Could just be a plural thing too maybe. Paraphrasing a great YT comment I read once: "All ~~identity~~ behavior is performed. most singlets just don't notice because they've never been backstage."
I've been unemployed more of my life than not. In 30 years of being available to the workforce, not once has a job agency even gone "oh hey there's this job available" EVEN WHEN THERE WAS A VERY SUITABLE ONE IN THEIR ACTUAL FUCKING OFFICE
(I do have a short memory of the CES who used to hand me them printed out, you know, actually doing the thing they exist for, literally their job to find jobs. We outsourced that work to the actual unemployed and then gave the money to private business for doing absolutely nothing at all.)
@SleepyCatten@cultofshiv.wtf hi it me, the other transfem who doesn't really like board/tabletop games especially the ones that take more than 10 minutes to explain
@SleepyCatten@cultofshiv.wtf "ok yes so you're in a win condition here but it doesnt apply because you see jane and jim are both holding the fanargle so in that case it goes to a bonus round of six playoffs where each of your opponents transversed meepledoops must be rotated and "
It could also be a "It is hard to be "enthusiastic" as it were about you putting fishhooks through my fingers or shoving needles in my face because right now my body is trying quite hard to leave and millions of years of evolution are screaming no gods no, but I am not *saying* no, so please, go ahead" thing.
Finding a suitable person to learn rope with is hard.
I mostly need to involve someone else as an accountability thing and because not a single thing about self tying will ever happen because I cannot self motivate for such things.
There's no joy there either.
And yes, at least some of this is top as cope.
But it is the only way I can see a path forward as a bottom.