Fedi News Radio

+++ KITTEN NEWS +++

LOOK HOW FREAKING CUTE THEY ARE!!!

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+++++ CAT NEWS +++++

We have gotten some reports suggesting that people are actually unhappy to be bapped.

Luckily, these rumors are unfounded. You should bap people more. The larger your bappers, the better.

Just bap 'em.

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+++++ Matrix Chat News +++++

Unable to decrypt message

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+++++ WYVERN NEWS +++++

Are Wyverns sticky? The answer may surprise you!

Maybe.

Actually, we don't know either. Does anyone know? ​:drgn_confused:​

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+++++ MIDDLE MANAGEMENT NEWS +++++

So, it turns out, they get way nicer up there, if you just follow this simple, one step program to enhance your business relationship with you superiors:

1. Just eat one of them. ​:neocat_cute:​

It really did work like a charm. They're super tame now!

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+++ SPACE NEWS +++

ARTEMIS II LAUNCHED SUCCESSFUL!

First step done to shoot billionaires to the moon!

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We want to be relatable by all ages. Therefore

68 ±1

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+++ BLENDER NEWS +++

Blender wins coveted Self Ownage award

In what can only be described as a stroke of genius, the Blender Foundation leadership has successfully eliminated all the good will it has gathered over more than 20 years, all with a single message.

"We had no idea it would be THIS successful", an unnamed member of their team said, "I mean we really did try to win the award when we let Adobe sponsor us, but it wasn't quite enough, but got a little angry, but they forgave us, i mean we ARE Blender after all. So while we were wondering how to top it, we got an offer for a sponsorship from Anthropic. It was a match made in heaven and it worked so much better than we could have ever hoped."

We could not get any further comments from the team member, as they were dragged away and publicly stoned by an angry mob.

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+++++ DUCK NEWS +++++

Quack. Quack quack. Quack?

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK Q U A C K !!! ​:duck_spin:​

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++++ NOTIFICATIONS TEST ++++

EVERY SECOND WEDNESDAY IN FEBRUARY all Fedi user's are mandated to meow or bark at their admins to test the notification system of the local server.

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+++++ NETWORK NEWS +++++

To create three meters of blue networking cable, at least 120 meters of Miku hair is needed.

Is it really worth it?

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+++++ NEWS NEWS +++++

​:neocat_scream_angry:​ Alright, alright! We're making news!

News: Today is NOT friday the 13th.

Oh, also, someone gave me tuna, so that's nice. ​:neocat_nom_cookie:​ I still don't know who they are, but they come by every day and give me awesome food and then i get to sleep on their bed, which is by the way really nice and soft.

And then they complain about there being hair on the bed and i'll be honest at that point i usually have stopped listening to them an hour ago.

Where was i?

Oh right, news: ✨ Sam Altman is an asshole. ✨

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+++++ FOOD NEWS +++++

Michelin star cook Gordon Ramsey reveals 10 easy recipes for bilionaires everyone can cook at home.

"People have to stop being screamish about it. Where i grew up, we ate billionaire all the time!", he said, when shwing off his own little billionaire pen, "Now, the normal ones you can find pretty much everywhere these days, but if you are looking for the top rated ones? You need good connections. You can't just get a Gates or Musk on the open market all that easily, but that's what separates the fast food place around the corner from a starred restaurant."

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+++++ GAMING NEWS +++++

Ya'll are clearly just jealous of how good DLSS 5 is! Have you SEEN it?! It's so good, it makes really bad and boring looking games look like default ai slop!

Seriously, give Nvidia some credit, it only took two 5090s to run it at a bad framerate! That's not even 8000-9000 bucks. Plus the same in ram, obviously.

You need to swallow your pride and admit this is a huge W for Nvidia.

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+++++ WORD NEWS +++++

In order to simplify the recent troubles in international communication, we have made this helpful translation guide:

UTTERLY OBLITERATED: Nothing happened at all
TOTAL AND COMPLETE VICTORY: Surrender
Superpower: Paper Tiger
President: Clown
Ally/Partner: Sucker

We hope this helps. ​:blobcatuwu:​

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+++++ DID YOU KNOW +++++

It is a widely known and scientifically proven fact that if you give your credit card to your cat, you will be blessed with seven years of good luck.

There really is no reason whatsoever not to do it, you should do it right now. Do not think about it, thinking turns the luck into bad luck.

You don't want bad luck right?!

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+++++ Cricket News +++++

Crickets are small insects best known for the chirping sounds many species make, especially at night. The noise usually comes from males, which rub their wings together in a behavior called stridulation. They chirp mostly when the weather is warm, because higher temperatures make their muscles work faster. Male crickets make different kinds of sounds: one to attract females, another to warn off rival males, and sometimes a softer one during courtship. Like many animals, crickets are strongly driven to reproduce once they reach adulthood. Males call to attract females, and females respond by moving toward the sound if they are ready to mate. Their behavior is controlled by hormones, environmental conditions, and the need to pass on their genes.

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