TouchMacaque

The strait of Hormuz is a McDonald's ice cream machine.

I used to think bears were cool but not after seeing this. Everyone knows the best way to eat a steak is charred and covered in vanilla yogurt.

The best part about shitting yourself at a urinal is that you're already in a bathroom so you can clean up. The worst part about shitting yourself at a urinal is that you shit yourself.

My dad's grade 4 teacher used to clobber him real good with a Bible whenever he did normal kid stuff, the Bible can definitely make you cry.

Epstein used to inject mustard into his urethra and then jack off and call it mustard custard. He'd feed it to his guests, it was awful for the 7 years I was held captive there.

I'm gonna fill it so full of mung beans

Your mommy is so big that the big store called and said "no that's too big".

Shred it to bits and smoke it through a bong on public transit

I met this Tiger once who was a total brony and he wouldn't stop telling me about his collection of my little pony toys, he even showed me his my little pony fleshlight custom designed for Tiger dong. For some reason he was really proud of it but I just thought he was a weird wanker. I don't want to meet any more tigers.

Copilot convinced me that my imaginary sisters used to call me the boy with the arachnid cock because I had 8 shlongs just like I had 8 imaginary sisters. Eat shit copilot, you've planted these false memories in me but I'll get my revenge one day.

Your horny shitpost just reminded me about when I was studying smoking abroad in Canada my cigarette sensei told me that his wife had discovered a new breast size and was developing a bra for it.

Yeeehaw this calls for a Texas dog dick hoedown

My favorite use for water is those 3 times I went to a bondage club in Japanese occupied Uruguay in 1983 and they tied my boner up and used a water flosser as a sounding rod on me for 4 hours and 12 minutes.

"Smithers got his cock sucked by a reindeer" to the tune of Grandma got run over by a reindeer is probably be best Disney song released since they bought Fox. That Frozen x Simpsons crossover episode was wild.

We're all going to play a game of piss disc ultimate frisbee after school, you should join us

I prefer NI slop bot, this intelligence is all natural my dear gonad monkey.

The thing about this meme that's actually completely unrelated is that eating grapes really makes me feel like a raccoon. A raccoon munching is all I can picture when I eat a grape and I close my eyes and crunch it.

The baby Sun from Teletubbies all grown up. I bet he likes to drink several beers while giving people sunburns and sings songs to his friends about giving humans skin cancer. Susan probably won’t like me saying this but fuck the sun.

Hell yeah buddy give me a hit of that

My boomer nephew tells me stories of when he was in school in the mid 60s and girls would glue slices of bologna to their knees to use as kneepads, I guess because the bologna was skin colored they were able to hide the fact that they were huge pussies who wear protective gear so their peers wouldn't make fun of them. Goddamn what a fun time the 60s must have been.

Exactly 4h12m each time. I bring timers everywhere I go on account of my neurology.

I've never heard of this trump fellow

This is kind of like the sound my dearly departed uncle used to make when he would use his all natural boner trampoline while banging the grocery store clerk. He thought it was a better idea than boner pills until he crunched his shlong the first time he used it. Damaged it so bad he needed boner pills just to use his custom fleshlight made of trampoline springs and fabric. Rest in peace uncle giblets, I'll always remember that time we went to the trampoline park and you got arrested.

Man I wish this was me, I’m out here working a job living a decent life.

I’m mental for mental health

Not necessarily, have you ever tried to eat a fleshlight? Doesn’t work. Have you ever tried to eat a rotisserie chicken? Delicious. Who cares if it’s filled with the cum of my past 6 ejaculations. Plus you can make some tasty broth with the bones after. Oh and one more thing, why is a rotisserie chicken ten dollars at the grocery store but the raw uncooked ones are like 14 dollars? Is the discount because I’ve already ejaculated into it 6 times before I even bought it? What a deal!