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  “AI is inevitable and it’s changing everything. You need to get on board now, or you’re going to be left behind,” said the NFT-based avatar of the crypto bro, broadcasting in a Clubhouse stream from somewhere in the metaverse.

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  There’s an old story about a child picking up starfish that have washed up on the beach and putting them back in the ocean. A passerby points out this won’t matter, because there are thousands of them. The kid holds one up and says, “Well, it matters to this one.” I grow tired of arguing with people on the internet who won’t save any starfish if we can’t save them all. Who willfully conflate “This won’t solve everything” with “This changes nothing.” (This post is not actually about starfish.)

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  “Senator McConnell is alive and well and back at work,” insists a Republican spokesperson at the grand opening of a Spirit Halloween outlet in the senator’s former office.

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  RE: https://mastodon.au/@nigl/117470531613849231 I follow this account for the dadaist whimsy, but sometimes it just posts something that’s actually flat-out good advice.

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  RE: https://mastodon.social/@AltTextHealthCheck/117467519925188493 Beige.party once again hits ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT #AltText coverage!

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  RE: https://beige.party/@TheBreadmonkey/117461657740831054 #Fedihired posts are getting weirder by the day.

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  Due to a typo in the meeting minutes I sent out at the end of the day, management is now expecting us to deliver a new intranet built on Microsoft SharkPoint, and frankly, the team is PUMPED.

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  You need to update your priors. Copying things off of the internet has come a long way in the last few months. Copying things off of the internet is the future. If you aren't on board with copying things off of the internet, you're going to be left behind. There's a non-zero chance that copying things off of the internet will wipe out humanity. But copying things off the internet will also cure cancer and eliminate work. Which is why we have to keep copying things off of the internet...

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  “I can’t do this without AI” is the same sentence when you stop after the first four words.

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  Do you swear to boost the toot, the whole toot, and nothing but the toot, so help you John Mastodon?

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  I’m exhausted, I have an impossibly long to do list and multiple, conflicting deadlines looming. So, there’s only one thing to do: roll up my sleeves, and open Mastodon.

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  I've heard it said that job requirements are often more of a "wish list," but this is getting ridiculous.

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  Someone I know referred to dye-and-perfume-free laundry soap as “neurodetergent,” and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that since.

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  I have a Survivor song stuck in my head, but it’s not ‘Eye of the Tiger.’ I’m not even going to get a decent training montage out of this.

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  Seeing some strange advice about lettuce that is reminding me of early 2020, when we were just getting a handle on how COVID-19 spread. I recall at the time several people I followed on Twitter—including some otherwise very savvy journalists who I would have expected to know better—recommended using bleach-based disinfectants on produce. To paraphrase every actual food scientist and doctor I followed on Twitter at the time: do not do that. It's not like, "Inject bleach" foolish...

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  My dad found this while cleaning out for a move, something my late mother made a long time ago. I haven’t ever seen it before (or at least not since I was around the age portrayed in the piece).

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  October is Cybersecurity Awareness Month! To get into the spirit, post your best password.

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  AI Bros: You should care about model welfare, because AIs are conscious beings who feel pain. Also AI Bros: You should stop saying “Please” and “Thank you” to the models because it wastes tokens.

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  Business Casual Encounters.

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  Boost ’em all, and let John Mastodon sort ’em out.

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  RE: https://mastodon.art/@ratfactor/117391302424109504 It’s like I always say: if you give a man a fish, he eats for a day. If you slap a man with a fish, he more than likely leaves you alone from now on.

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  Fediverse, our time is nigh!

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  Young people love it when they say “Six Seven” and you reply by belting out “Five-three-oh-ni-eeee-iiiine!”

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  I’m not telling you that you have to boycott everything. You are allowed to live in the modern world. To have a problematic fave. To not approach every consumer choice like it’s a hill you have to die on. But you can afford to put Harry Potter down.

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  Site: We noticed that you are blocking our ads. Me: That’s right. Site: But that’s how we pay for this content. Will you disable your ad-blocker? Me: No. My ad blocker is how I stop you from spying on me. Site: But we’re not spying on you. Me: Then how do you know I’m blocking your ads?

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  Interviewer: So, let’s set aside this specific role we’re talking about. Tell me about your dream job. Me: My dream job? Ok. So, it’s at a factory, but it turns into my high school. Only I also live there? And Tim Curry is there, only he isn’t Tim Curry, he’s actually my mom. And we’re trying to pack products in boxes, except instead of packing tape, we have to use buttons, like shirt buttons. And then I realize I’m not wearing any pants, and I’m really embarrassed but nobody has noticed yet…

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  October is Cybersecurity Awareness Month, and this year, the National Cybersecurity Alliance’s theme is “Don’t Make It Easy for Them,” reflecting the infosec community’s tireless dedication to making things harder for everyone.

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  [whistling a tune from "Luigi's Mansion" while on hold with UnitedHealth's customer service...]

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  Headline Writer Hit By Subject-Object Confusion, Unable to Tell Who is Responsible for Layoffs and Who They Happened To.

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  What happens when an unstoppable force (Monday morning) meets an immovable object (me in bed)?