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  Off to GP this morning. Feeling a bit anxious as it is a new GP and we will have all the hospital stuff to discuss. I want to have a good relationship it my GP given how complicated my heath issues have become.

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  Back home after completing the first day of the Distress Tolerance Outpatient Day program. Covered off Check the Facts (our minds jumps to conclusions, regain perspective by looking at only the facts) and Opposite Action (act opposite to what our emotional urge is telling us where the automatic response is unhelpful). It was informative and exhausting. An afternoon of relaxation ahead.

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  I’ve been out of hospital for four weeks now so thought it would be a good time to provide a bit of an update. The last three weeks have not been without their challenges. My sleep is still not where I would want it to be, with multiple wakes throughout the night that come to haunt be by mid-afternoon the following day. This can come the form of negative thoughts, and exhaustion. I am using many of the techniques I picked up in hospital and therapy to try and stay on top of this, as well as ha...

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  Feeling alone and broken. There’s no escaping from my own thoughts.

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  That really was a convoluted rant from me. Saturdays are really just not my days. All the worst stuff happens on a Saturday. My worst nature surfaces on Saturdays. I wonder why that is? Maybe too much time to think.

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  Woohoo I did manage to go back to sleep for a bit. Wasn’t a lot, but something is better than nothing.

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  Another unusual development now the quetiapine feels as though it’s wearing off, and that I will need to bring up with my psychiatrist today is that I have started hearing voices in my mind. They’re random, like walking down the street and catching snippets of strangers’ conversations. They’re not constant but odd. Im guessing it’s a medication effect. Or maybe something more serious. I don’t know.

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  I talk too much and need to keep my mouth shut. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain in the ass on here. I’ve been doing the same in person and I must be driving every one crazy.

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  After the excitement of last night, I’ve spent this afternoon in my room relaxing and listening to music. It’s been a pleasant way to spend the afternoon.

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  Lunch of bacon and cheese quiche with salad and relish. Dessert was a lamination. All was delicious.

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  Typical high blood pressure reading, high heart rate, panicked students. Also had the please of having my meds dispensed by students today too.

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  I can feel Myself deteriorating in real time. At this stage I don’t even care anymore. I just want this over with but im too much of a coward to do anything about it.

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  Think I’ve just lost my job.