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The Empty Press

theemptypress@mastodon.social

<p>We&#39;re TheEmptyPress, AKA &quot;The Old Dark Lady&quot;. We write worthless, satirical garbage. Also, we&#39;re not an AI, we&#39;re just bad at what we do.</p><p><a href="https://linktr.ee/theemptypress" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="">linktr.ee/theemptypress</span><span class="invisible"></span></a></p>

Posts

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    Feels like a good time to repost this... https://theemptypress.com/houston-promises-to-cancel-budget-cuts-if-doug-ford-tells-him-to/ #Halifax #NovaScotia

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    Damn, and here we were looking forward to another movie about how hard it is to be a White girl. https://www.jubileecast.com/articles/39547/20260919/meryl-streep-s-aslan-casting-ignites-christian-fury-over-greta-gerwig-s-narnia-the-magician-s-nephew.htm #GretaGerwig #NarniaTheMagiciansNephew

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    Hey Connections, Have you forgotten that yellow and green are supposed to be the EASY ones? @nytimes

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    Our economy is suffering, rural communities are wasting away, and Ottawa has responded by ignoring our plight like we’re some common New Brunswickers! https://theemptypress.com/tearful-danielle-smith-says-albertans-being-treated-like-atlantic-canadians/ #Alberta #Canada #DanielleSmith

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    Donald Trump isn&amp;#39;t some black swan. He&amp;#39;s a pigeon. The regular mother fuckers we see all the time, sometimes regarded with annoyance, sometimes with affection, sometimes with admiration and, often, so familiar we don&amp;#39;t even notice them. Then, one day, one of them takes a shit on your head. #POTUS

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    The fall equinox is easily the worst equinox.

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    You can stop searching, everyone, we&amp;#39;ve found your Halloween couples costume. https://www.threads.com/@bananaleoclerc/post/Ddld1-tjc2B #Liverpool #UK

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    Another day, another drunk driver receiving a lesser sentence than the sobre Humboldt driver. https://www.ctvnews.ca/barrie/article/drunk-driver-with-3x-legal-limit-sentenced-in-deadly-markham-crash/ #Canada

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    Haikus are quite short. I guess they were stolen, too, Nayyirah Waheed? #RupiKaur #NayyirahWaheed #Poetry

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    The Sharks really need to protect Stenberg. Make him private and only accessible via getters and setters. #Ivar #Encapsulation #OOP #ProgrammerHumor #ProgrammerHumour #SJSharks #TheFutureIsTeal #NHL

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    &amp;quot;The internet collectively thirsting over Nathan Fielder&amp;quot; was not on our 2026 bingo card. #ElizabethHolmes

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    AguerNoooo. #football #soccer #mancity

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    Back in my day, the scumbag, rapist frat bros were all white guys, so... progress? #Diversity #Cornell

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    That moment when you and a coworker walk to the bathroom at the same time. #OfficeLife

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    The push towards clean energy might be bad for fossil fuel COMPANIES, but not fossil fuel WORKERS. Roughnecks, pipeline workers, designers, construction crews, miners... they have knowledge and skills that are extremely valuable and could easily be transitioned to green infrastructure. In summary, they&amp;#39;re lying to you. #Alberta #Canada #Climate

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    Party - popular vote percentage, seat percentage PQ - 28, 46 LIB - 24, 31 CON - 21, 15 QS - 12, 7 CAQ - 13, 0 https://theemptypress.com/why-our-only-hope-in-hell-is-proportional-representation/ #QCPoli #CDNPoli

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    Yep, Washington’s definitely getting a Trump Colosseum. https://globalnews.ca/news/12093646/fort-hood-execution-livestreamed/ #Pentagon #FortHood

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    Screaming racial slurs at a child gets you four months. Yeah, hockey&amp;#39;s definitely &amp;quot;for everyone&amp;quot;. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/parent-harassing-referee-nova-scotia-minor-hockey-eastern-shore-9.7369907 #NovaScotia #Hockey #Halifax #HDA

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    Since the internet&amp;#39;s been swooning over Ben Affleck lately, we&amp;#39;d like to take a moment to remind everyone of the time he went on The Daily Show and did your classic White-boy-Indian-accent &amp;quot;impression&amp;quot; of Osama bin laden.

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    Shane Gillis has said a lot of things that have offended people over the years, and all it got him was 3 SNL hosting gigs. But this time he apparently did the worst thing a comedian can do: he upset White girls. #SNL

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    So it&#39;s Canada v. South Africa. Loser has to take the blame for Elon Musk. #CanMNT #BafanaBafana #Canada #SouthAfrica #Football #Soccer #FIFAWorldCup

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    Extreme heat warnings. In Canada. Great work, everyone. #Canada #ClimateChange #Climate

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    And switching to green energy would save consumers the litre. #Poilievre #Canada #Climate