Post by @jdmcg@mastodon.nz

2026-07-30 22:58 UTC

Yesterday was hard. Woke up with atrial fibrillation and spent the day stressed and wondering if i should go to the hospital. Got called by the charity i'd done two interviews for to say that even though they loved me and i was amazing they were hiring the other person. Then cooked an amazing dinner for the family which i couldnt eat because I've got an endoscopy coming up. Of course all of this inspired many hours of bleak introspection and second guessing of all my life choices. I'm trying to sit with disappointment today without sliding into despair. My heart at least has settled down so i can go for a gentle walk. I'm worried about money, my girls, my long suffering hard working wife, and how to summon the resilience & perspective needed to change this state of affairs. Sorry for the personal moan, I'm just feeling it keenly this morning.

Replies (5)

@exlibrarykris@cloudisland.nz 2026-07-31 00:09

@jdmcg@mastodon.nz oof, yes, that is a lot to experience and then contemplate. All the best for getting through.

Open ##4258467
@UrbanDjent@metalhead.club 2026-07-30 23:14

@jdmcg@mastodon.nz Try to sit with it. Yeah, that's what I do when things like that happen. You want to vocalise it, make it real to other people, but you don't. Burdening loved ones doesn't help the situation, i find. I just sit on it, for a couple of days. That immediate sense of doom dissipates as the joy of the things around you reassert themselves, slowly. In the meantime, where do you go? Well, here I guess. No need to apologies 🫂

Open ##5118047
@SimonCHulse@mastodon.nz 2026-07-30 23:15

@jdmcg@mastodon.nz I feel your pain, e hoa.

Open ##5118054
@mementomaori@kind.social 2026-07-30 23:15

@jdmcg@mastodon.nz Ka nui te aroha, kia kaha e hoa.

Open ##5118059
@thanetric@mastodonapp.uk 2026-07-30 23:18

@jdmcg@mastodon.nz The problem with AF is the symptoms are identical to panic. I have been there - endoscopy and all. I am fixed - minor surgery to fix an intestinal bleed - iron tablets and flecainide to control the anaemia - arrythmia subsided and other issues retreated. Perspective restored and a realisation that I was loved, helped Take care and best wishes from the other side of the World.

Open ##5118063