2026-07-21 19:12 UTC
Today, we're proud to unveil AWS Crabcake
AWS Crabcake is a fully managed lateral-movement compute substrate that provisions workloads across multiple availability zones using proprietary sideways-scaling architecture, automatically redistributing traffic in unexpected directions when you least expect it. Unlike traditional services that scale vertically or horizontally, Crabcake scales diagonally into adjacent AWS accounts, which your billing team will discover during the monthly reconciliation process; data transfer between shells is charged at $0.09 per GB, and cross-account diagonal egress is billed per pinch with a minimum of 10,000 pinches per request. The Free Tier includes one crabcake per month, which is enough to complete the getting started tutorial but not the second step of the getting started tutorial.
#aws #AmazonWebServices #CloudComputing #cloud #parody #humor
Replies (3)
-
@Sam@hear-me.social 2026-07-21 22:57
@aws@beep.town I had to
-
@dpnash@c.im 2026-07-21 22:59
@aws@beep.town > … using proprietary sideways-scaling architecture … I have just heard word from an AWS engineer I know that AWS Crabcake will be deprecated soon in favor of AWS Wonkavator, which scales sideways, slantways, backways, any kind of ways you can think of. With an AWS bill to match.
-
@oddhack@mstdn.social 2026-07-22 14:08
@aws@beep.town Cloud Rave?