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@farmgineer@nord.pub
2026-10-07 03:11 UTC
I considered killing myself last night. I self-harmed for the first time in many years. My company advertised remote work. I asked if I could move far away from Tokyo and sure, no problem. I got told if RTO, then it would be close and new people only. I got permission to run a side job doing a small farm. Sure no problem.
I’ve been in this industry for 20+ years now.
Mandatory return to office (I live 4 hours each way). They pay transportation expenses per month at a level that wouldn’t cover one day. If you’re nice and apply, we MAY approve (for three months only) 2 days a week required in the office. No guarantee it will be approved. I joined a union to fight this but it’s slow. They will likely still try to fire me.
I have a mortgage. I got a subsidy to move to this small town, that many in Japan provide, but it must be paid back if leaving within 5 years. I also am a registered farmer with farm land which means I legally have to maintain it properly.
Yesterday, they said no more side job is allowed. So I’m not allowed to sell anything I grow anymore, have to close my self-proprietorship, and have to close my company (which has tax impacts on me because now nothing counts as expenses and I lose my ability to do special tax forms). They apparently want food to rot. They want me to rot. The farm was not even yet at a point to make me money. They falsely claimed I got subsidies for farming (I did not and do not) and that it’s no longer just selling extra produce (it still is) and is a full-scale farming operation (it is not). My sales were like 10k yen last year and maybe will get to that this year.
My wife does not work. There are few jobs out here. No remote jobs in the US or Canada are responding and few would even allow Japan time zone even with overlap. Remote jobs for a backend engineer (primarily golang lately with very rusty Java somewhere in my brain unused for many years) are basically non-existent. I’ve applied for jobs in the EEA but, as a non-EEA-citizen, I can basically go fuck myself. My body is way too messed up (multiple broken bones, back issues, etc.) for any really hard manual labor.
So I lose my job, I lose my income, I lose the house, I will never get another mortgage in Japan again, there’s no point to being alive. My wife’s birthday is coming up, which is basically what stopped me. She’ll have a better life without me and at least the house will get paid off so she can do whatever with it.
Living in an apartment in Tokyo would also violate the terms of my mortgage making me lose it (on top of losing a huge chunk of my paycheck) and would also make it impossible to keep up with farm maintenance, let alone the rest of the house and property.
I am fine for now. Just not sure I’ll survive any future attacks from my company. Thanks for the kind words.
Replies (5)
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I’m very sorry for your situation. Please do not let these fuckers decide what you are worth, and leash you.
Your wife is pregnant, and you are more important to everyone around you than to your company. Live for your love, and your friends. Even if your life has to change a little, that’s not the end.
make your way out of that company painful. Point fingers, humiliate them, politely. Call the media, do the drama, make them feel ashamed.
Best of luck, do not quit life, you are bigger than them.
Open ##5025942
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I am soery for your situation. Since you entertained the idea of killing yourself, I strongly believe you should consult an expert or a doctor. As others mentioned: The people around love you and do care about you.
Open ##5037335
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I’m nobody in your story, but you’re now somebody in mine, because this is so relatable. I can only commiserate with you, but I can’t fully understand the stress you must be under. My employer is doing much the same, and it breaks my heart how many people around the world are or are about to be in similar situations.
The crushing weight of executives not giving a fuck about the harm they are causing is both enraging and deeply saddening.
But what makes life worth living is a moving target. I have, a few times, seen no light in the dark. But then, somehow I crawl back out and see all the reasons I still want to be here. I hope you find a way to okay. If nothing else, “I want to watch it all go down. I want to see the world give way.”
Open ##5037467
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Contact some social media ppl (like @AbroadinJapan@m.youtube.com) and publicly shame your company, they broke their agreements. They lied. It’s not you that is at fault, so it’s not you that should suffer.
Open ##5037556
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you fell for the “move to the countryside” incentive. they give you money to move in the middle of nowhere, then you pay for that circumstance for the rest of your life with poor transportation, no jobs, expensive maintenance etc.
also you went into farming while also having severe physical health issues?? really?
Open ##5037876