I'm thread-blogging on main. a story about searching for meaning in life. feel free to ignore. I grew up in a flavor of charismatic christianity where there was incredibly strong pressure to perform spiritually by "speaking in tongues," conjuring feelings during church services, or hearing a deity speak directly to me through "journaling." In high school I came across some of those journals. in entry after entry where I dutifully wrote conversations the child version of me thought he was having with God. there was a repeating pattern that resembles a horoscope; they were vague and fluffy and generally meaningless. As I reread them, I realized it for what it was and felt anger and shame. 1/